Ganesha Don't Swim Do He?!

There's a reason Indians never win Olympic golds where water sports are concerned... Indians don't swim. Have you ever heard of a gold medalist Indian diver? Freestyle swimmer? Heaven forbid synchronised swimmer? No... you know why? Because Indians don't swim in water! They drink it... they take their weekly bath... they piddle in it so that they can blame Coke for corrupting the Indian youth with western culture... but they don't swim in it. Because Indians are bad swimmers...

Indian gods are WORSE swimmers. They've lived all their lives in the skies. They literally have their heads in the clouds. They take a piss and Bombay comes to a standstill... they have a pissing contest and people say the polar ice caps are melting raising global water levels. Gods don't swim! Then why in the name of Steve Irwin (may he rest in peace) would you eat a lot, drink a lot, invite lots of people to watch and make complete asses of yourself by swimming in the sea!

Thats right Mother mine... I'm talking to you! I'm also talking to you Kartik! You Laxmi! And especially you, Saraswati, you brain dead little hen! I mean seriously! I don't want to hear excuses... I watched you idiots make complete fools of yourselves the past few days. Is this the way to behave. Laxmi and Saraswati, do you think you guys are going to be 5,000 years forever??? Age is going to catch up with you someday you know that! Watch what you bloody eat!!! Three hundred modaks apiece... you sows! Kartik... what a grand way to come out of the closet. Yes! Yes! I saw it all... I'm sure you're going to say that people in Bombay are just friendly. Thats the way they behave with all their guests. You had a drop too many. You were just dancing and having fun! Harmless swimming I'm sure you'll say! Right on bro! Right ON! Gauri... o' great mother of mine... You took the easy way out where childbirth was concerned so sure you don't look your age BUT act your age. How can you socialise on the streets so brazenly with men you barely know!! Does His Highness Mr. Stoner even know the way those men held you up and walked down the streets? You old slag!! I'm disgusted... Men you don't know holding you on their shoulders... dancing with you... swimming with you!

And what happened of your swimming after such disgusting brazen acts... the lot of you? SANK STRAIGHT TO THE BOTTOM.... And now you wake up here in Kailash Parbat with a bitch of a hangover. Of course its going to be worse up here. Do you know what the air pressure is like and the levels of oxygen are all about. Have you learnt nothing!?!?! I gave up on you lot.... I'm talking a walk down to earth to check on that useless lawyer about my endorsement deals.