Not a good week... Part One

You want to know why I haven't been writing?? Coz it hasn't been a good week! At All! The fact that i started with Part One should give some idea of it all...

Okay... starts with the fact that all I get to do all day is stand guard while Ma and her maidens frolic. I am sick and tired of trying to figure out just how clean is clean. Four hour baths five times a day is more than enough. I've read the latest issues of Cosmo, Health and Nutrition, People AND Good Housekeeping and no where does it wax eloquent over the virtues of a 20 hour bath affecting your virility, stamina or keeping milk fresh beyond the expiry date! If I hear another hand maiden coo hysterically when I protest against the bathing, I swear I'm going to go religious on her ass! So help me God... well...

As if things aren't boring enough... next time you talk about wanting to come to Paradise and how you hope you go straight to heaven, you come talk to me... Anyways... so things are boring... all I hear all day is splashing water and female giggles. I don't know how Hef did it for so long but I've had it up to HERE with the giggling! You find something funny, you laugh out loud woman!! If not... you shut up... enough of this half laugh coy giggling! I'm the only guy here and you are NOT impressing me!

Right on cue... who should show up but... well... a guy! Imagine my joy! I was up and all gay at the mere sight of him! Another guy in my neck of the clouds! it got better... he had a python round his neck. I KNOW! I mean it... he had a python round his neck and the pipe he was smoking did not have tobacco thats for sure. I can recognise tobacco smoke and this was not it. I'm sorry for being cliche but the smell was heavenly. Which is why I got pretty put off when he tells me he's come to see his wife!

This man claims to be my paternal figure/care-giver... he shows up all of a sudden and all he wants to do is jump into a bathroom full of giggling woman with his python. Well... if he could do something about that infernal giggling, it may not be a bad idea to let him through but I don't know... Ma told me to keep people out and I intend to do just that...

So I told the dude no way. Turns out his name is Shiva. I told him I'm technically his son and he began ranting about how no son of his would be a simple gatekeeper. I told him that though the job didn't pay much, I did get to work from home. Dad (yeah I know but I miss not being able to call anyone that) got mad... and if I thought I could go religious... this man went mythical. He totally lost his head... I kid you not... he huffed... and he puffed and he let fly this whirly disc and the next thing I know... I lost my head too.

Good thing about being a god... there'll always be a part two.